11/10 (***** sucks) (5:09 am poem)

note: I no longer think ***** sucks. there is no beef

Hi / hello there / it me / live from my bed it's / a sad saturday night / I mean sunday / somebody help me / in some way / I'm a junior creative writing major who can't get published in her school's literary magazine / the parents / I babysit / for know about my ******** / I mean boy / problems (same thing / man I wish they were man problems / do you know any / beer belly dad hugs / that's what I want / love is only real when it's platonic / your maker is your #1 fan / hi mom / I got paid for babysitting / bought stickers and drugs with the money / bought buffalo chicken pizza / and cigarettes / mmm / those / that / and the fresh / air dries my clammy / hands right up / I should finish this bowl / this conversation / this / what is this / that / was what he said / i thought it meant / the whole sha-bang / ya know / like I sealed the meal peel naw mean / but nah / I bought him beer / he drank the beer / he called his ex / still waiting for a refund / he bought me a yearly subscription to casualties (i.e. no serious (whatevers / what do I get myself / into worse / than the time strangers / lured me to a dojo / with drugs / my bad / I was looking for hot cocoa / 3 am / outside / been day drinking / been sad / cause my taste in men is toxic / n now my cousin's only friend didn't show up to her 13th birthday party / about 2 sob right here / on the bus / sad like sad / time halloween / I heard there were free x-rays for halloween / candy / since someone stuck razor blades in apples / in no way a treat /~that is / how does one hide that in there I wanna know / no really / I do / tell me all of your secrets / be honest / do you really / really / miss / her / I want to understand / I want to know it all / hurt me please / hurt me / are you ok / what's better for you / what's better for me / not me / not you / replace the toilet paper / free the mouse of misery / im stuck between hopeless / romantic and realist / really / I mean the man defends john green / and all offense to john green / u r the only mutha' / to make the statement : the book is better than the movie / untrue / 

******** explanation: if you come to a reading of mine, you'll hear what that really says. if you get one of my chapbooks, you can read it in there. but for now, I've got to preserve the mystery + protect the secrets. also mom if you read this, don't take it seriously